New at Tara's Comedy Cosmos!
It's been awhile but Tara Tiara has struck again - two new videos to be viewed!
Learn about the new product Dr. Fitzengut developed. It's an anti-viral that prevents the transmission of any sexual disease!
And if you've been looking for products to get that Pretty Pussy you've always dreamed of, here they are!
And when you're done with those, view the archives and see what you've missed.
Learn about the new product Dr. Fitzengut developed. It's an anti-viral that prevents the transmission of any sexual disease!
And if you've been looking for products to get that Pretty Pussy you've always dreamed of, here they are!
And when you're done with those, view the archives and see what you've missed.

Dr. Feelsingut is da bOMb! Where did you ever get such a wonderful product? And the press conference is SO wonderfully informative. I feel so much relief just watching it! And the actor who plays Dr. Feelingut! What a find! What a great star!
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If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer.
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If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either.
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In the name of God, stop a moment, cease your work, look around you.
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I have lost friends, some by death... others through sheer inability to cross the street.
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Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today.
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If the only prayer you ever say in your whole life is "thank you," that would suffice.
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Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
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Intimacy is what makes a marriage, not a ceremony, not a piece of paper from the state.
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Look at all the sentences which seem true and question them.
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I wrote myself a check for ten million dollars for acting services rendered and dated it Thanksgiving 1995. I put it in my wallet and it deteriorated. And then, just before Thanksgiving 1995, I found out I was going to make ten million dollars for Dumb & Dumber. I put that check in the casket with my father because it was our dream together.
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To avoid situations in which you might make mistakes may be the biggest mistake of all.
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Sometimes the cure for restlessness is rest.
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Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.
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A chess genius is a human being who focuses vast, little-understood mental gifts and labors on an ultimately trivial human enterprise.
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When I came back to Dublin I was courtmartialed in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.
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Our patience will achieve more than our force.
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Be courteous to all, but intimate with few; and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence.
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A billion here, a billion there, pretty soon it adds up to real money.
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I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
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Do not weep; do not wax indignant. Understand.
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Get away from the crowd when you can. Keep yourself to yourself, if only for a few hours daily.
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Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.
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Like anyone else, there are days I feel beautiful and days I don't, and when I don't, I do something about it.
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Love is the ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be what they choose for themselves without any insistence that they satisfy you.
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We require from buildings two kinds of goodness: first, the doing their practical duty well: then that they be graceful and pleasing in doing it.
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The world tolerates conceit from those who are successful, but not from anybody else.
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The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
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There are always survivors at a massacre. Among the victors, if nowhere else.
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All that is human must retrograde if it does not advance.
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At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
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The best thing to give to your enemy is forgiveness; to an opponent, tolerance; to a friend, your heart; to your child, a good example; to a father, deference; to your mother, conduct that will make her proud of you; to yourself, respect; to all men, charity.
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Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment.
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Gratitude is the most exquisite form of courtesy.
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If our early lessons of acceptance were as successful as our early lessons of anger, how much happier we would all be.
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The world tolerates conceit from those who are successful, but not from anybody else.
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To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it.
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Nothing has a stronger influence psychologically on their environment and especially on their children than the unlived life of the parent.
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Have you ever observed that we pay much more attention to a wise passage when it is quoted than when we read it in the original author?
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To be able to fill leisure intelligently is the last product of civilization, and at present very few people have reached this level.
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Money doesn't always bring happiness. People with ten million dollars are no happier than people with nine million dollars.
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If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read "President Can't Swim".
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You have no control over what the other guy does. You only have control over what you do.
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Even the fear of death is nothing compared to the fear of not having lived authentically and fully.
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No one goes there nowadays, it's too crowded.
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Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
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Nothing is so awesomely unfamiliar as the familiar that discloses itself at the end of a journey.
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If you don't know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else.
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College isn't the place to go for ideas.
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There is no nonsense so errant that it cannot be made the creed of the vast majority by adequate governmental action.
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By the time I'd grown up, I naturally supposed that I'd be grown up.
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There are several good protections against temptations, but the surest is cowardice.
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If there's one thing I know it's God does love a good joke.
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We learn something every day, and lots of times it's that what we learned the day before was wrong.
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If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.
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What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of high living.
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It is not enough to do good; one must do it the right way.
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It is nobler to declare oneself wrong than to insist on being right - especially when one is right.
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What we become depends on what we read after all of the professors have finished with us. The greatest university of all is a collection of books.
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You never know how a horse will pull until you hook him up to a heavy load.
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A billion here, a billion there, pretty soon it adds up to real money.
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Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
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It's a dangerous business going out your front door.
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Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.
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To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
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Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn whatever state I am in, therin to be content
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As I get older, I've learned to listen to people rather than accuse them of things.
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Peace is when time doesn't matter as it passes by.
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If you think taking care of yourself is selfish, change your mind. If you don't, you're simply ducking your responsibilities.
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The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.
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There is nothing more dreadful than imagination without taste.
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Listen. Do not have an opinion while you listen because frankly, your opinion doesn?t hold much water outside of Your Universe. Just listen. Listen until their brain has been twisted like a dripping towel and what they have to say is all over the floor.
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The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work.
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All the world's a cage.
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Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
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A doctor saves lives -- It's up to people to create lives that are worth saving.
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By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
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It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.
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Misquotations are the only quotations that are never misquoted.
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The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
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The people who are regarded as moral luminaries are those who forego ordinary pleasures themselves and find compensation in interfering with the pleasures of others.
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It is never too late to give up our prejudices.
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One of the best rules in conversation is, never to say a thing which any of the company can reasonably wish had been left unsaid.
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Our own physical body possesses a wisdom which we who inhabit the body lack.
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To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
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The 'Net is a waste of time, and that's exactly what's right about it.
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The best way out is always through.
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Things won are done; joy's soul lies in the doing.
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Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone.
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I am more and more convinced that our happiness or unhappiness depends more on the way we meet the events of life than on the nature of those events themselves.
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So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable.
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Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.
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There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
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There are several good protections against temptations, but the surest is cowardice.
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Better by far you should forget and smile than you should remember and be sad.
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I?m telling you, things are getting out of hand. Or maybe I?m discovering that things were never in my hands.
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We learn something every day, and lots of times it's that what we learned the day before was wrong.
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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
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Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone.
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Anger at lies lasts forever. Anger at truth can't last.
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O, it is excellent to have a giant's strength; but it is tyrannous to use it like a giant.
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To lengthen thy life, lessen thy meals.
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Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it.
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A billion here, a billion there, pretty soon it adds up to real money.
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A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
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Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit.
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Fig Newton: The force required to accelerate a fig 39.37 inches per sec.
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The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth that it prevents you from achieving.
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When everyone is against you, it means that you are absolutely wrong-- or absolutely right.
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What's the earth With all its art, verse, music, worth - Compared with love, found, gained, and kept?
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Good soldiers never pass up a chance to eat or sleep. They never know how much they'll be called on to do before the next chance.
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Do not primarily train men to work. Train them to serve willingly and intelligently.
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Is there anyone who thinks this hasn't been pretty much completely achieved by now?
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That Seaman is a handsome young man but he spends too much time looking in his mirror rather than at the ball. You can't keep goal with hair like that.
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Just as the 99% of Soviet citizens who supported the Soviet regime in 1985 was no indication of what the people inside the USSR really thought, the army of true believers that we think we see in the Arab world is an illusion.
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I want the municipality to be a helping hand to the man with a desire of sympathy, to help the fallen when it is not in their power to help themselves.
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