Women should be the masters of sex.  We should be talking about it whenever a conversation gets dull and making it our duty to teach men great techniques.  Especially because its women that are difficult to please sexually!  Women require all kinds of stimuli in order to reach orgasm.  Yet all the women's magazines concentrate on teaching women how to please men!  Why?  Pleasing a man is the easiest damn thing a woman can do.  Step one:  show skin.  Step two:  show more skin.  Step three:  get completely naked.  Step four:  touch him--anywhere.  Step five:  offer vagina for entering.  Easy, nothing difficult!  End of article.

Yet women are besieged with "How to please a man" articles everywhere they turn.  How many articles ever teach a man "How to please a woman"?  I've looked at male magazines--the vast majority of the articles are about "How to get her to suck your dick," instead of "How to lick her clit."  It has been my experience that men need more articles teaching them "How To" then women needing "Fifty Ways to".

    

 Does a husband have the right to say no to his wife's abortion?  The Pro-Choicers wage two basic arguments:  "A woman's right to choose” and "It's her body--her choice!”

I usually agree with this position if the woman isn't MARRIED to the man. What women in this country fail to realize is that a MARRIAGE is a LEGAL CONTRACT joining two individuals into one—it's not just a DECLARATION OF LOVE!
When a marriage license is signed, it's implied that both individuals give up their sole ownership of their bodies.  They both agree to become one! They join their bank accounts, credit reports, and tax returns, and share homes, property, the marital bed, and most importantly, the children and all responsibilities related to them.  Women are bound to the MARRIAGE CONTRACT as much as men are!  They can't just pick and choose when they'll abide by it or be bound by it, and as far as I know, Marital Laws do not stop at the border of the cervix—they go all the way up into the womb.

As the Gay "Right-to-Marry" argument reminds us, marriage holds special and exclusive rights, which co-habitation or civil unions do not have.  Marriage has the right to pull the plug on the spouse when in a coma.  Marriage has the right not to testify against the spouse.  Why, marriage even usually carries the privilege of being appointed to the seat when a senator dies. Never has a Governor appointed someone's lover.  If I just live with and fuck a guy, I don't get those rights.  Only if I signed that LEGAL CONTRACT could I be called "The Honorable Tara.”

Which is why I say to American women:  a HUSBAND DOES HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY NO!  Just like a WIFE has the right to say no to her husband cutting off his sperm sac, a HUSBAND has the right to say:  "don't kill my baby!  And, in fact, DIVORCE LAWS support this.  Divorces are granted for infidelity and infertility.  If a woman does not want a man to have any say in what she does:  DON'T SIGN A MARRIAGE CONTRACT!  Stay single, co-habitat, don't file joint tax returns, and your womb will always belong to you!  But once you sign your name on that dotted line, your womb and his balls are shared property.  That's what a marriage is—not that sappy, romantic shit described in movies and love songs.  Stop believing it is just a declaration of your love.  Marriage is ownership!  That's why it exists!  And that is why it gets special privileges!

Some will argue, "What if she's in an abusive marriage, he'll beat her," etc.  My retort is simple, DIVORCE, SPERMICIDE, IUD!  This is America, not Saudi Arabia!  American women have the right to drive themselves to the pharmacy, they have the right to call cops and get their abusive husbands arrested, and most importantly, they have the right to stand before a judge and tell their story.  If there is a conflict between a HUSBAND and WIFE, a judge can make a decision, just as with separation of assets, child support and child custody.  I say again:  if you don't want a judge or a man to make decisions for you, don't get married.  This isn't about the right to abortion, it's about Marital Laws and what they mean.  Marriage isn't love, it's legality!  Stop living in Romantic La La Land!

    

I'm on a mission to stop men from using spit as a lubricant.

Now, I understand sometimes you have no choice—you're in a back alley, or a rock club bathroom--you're not carrying Astroglide in your back pocket!  In those sexually spontaneous moments it might be necessary to spit on whatever it is you're about to stick in her and hurriedly climax you or her.  But when you have your woman at home and she's beautifully spread out, leisurely awaiting penetration, DON'T spit a big wet one all over your hand, or worse, spit directly on her pussy.  

Spit is repulsive to most women, and well known to be a bacteria-laden cesspool.  Instead, take an extra little moment and reach into the nightstand drawer.  Pull out the Astroglide and teasingly spread it all over her eagerly-awaiting cunni!  She will smile approvingly and in the morning not have a yeast infection.

    

Did old men mating with young women cause Dwarfism, Schizophrenia, Neurofibromatosis and skull/facial deformities in the human genome?

According to a new study on old fathers and their offspring; looks like it.  Men 40 years and older have a 1 in 47 chance of fathering a Schizophrenic child compared to a father 25 or younger who only has a chance of 1 in 141.  Men 50 and older have a 50% chance of fathering a Down Syndrome child.  Dwarfism has the same percentages.  And the genetic mutations don’t just stop with old fathers.  Their offspring (even if young while creating the new generation) have a higher percentage of passing on the mutated genes.  Scientist believe the reason old sperm have such damaging effects on the genetic code is due to how many times the spermatogonia (immature stem cells in the testes) have divided and replicated by the time a man reaches age 50.  Unlike women who are born with their eggs already formed, men produce sperm as they grow.  Each year after puberty the sperm stem cells have 23 replications a year.  By the time a man reaches his 50’s his sperm stem cells have gone through more than 800 rounds of replications and division.  Each R&D has an increase risk of mutating.  The mutations cause the problems.  As well as bad mutations, the older sperm lose their strength and ability to swim straight.  This  makes it more difficult for an older man to impregnate a woman. (Which is probably natures way of keeping the bad sperm from creating too much damage.)  So the next time you hear about “female biological clock ticking” remember “a man’s clock ticks just as loudly!”

    

When I opened my door, I was immediately pulled inside and pushed up against the wall. My legs were spread and patted down by a tall, handsome man wearing a dark suit and sunglasses.  "Have I done something wrong officer?"  I inquired.  He ran his hands up my inner thighs as he replied, "Not as long as you don’t cut and run. HE really hates liberal pussies."

"HE?" I ask, "You're not the man I spoke with on the phone?"  "Sorry Ma'am," he says, pausing his hand on my breast, "I'm just the hired help- HE is.  Sorry again, good luck."

 I look over my shoulder and see the familiar bald head, lopsided menacing grin, and square body that terrorizes me every week on my TV. I'm an atheist, but that didn’t stop me from praying out loud, "Oh dear God, help me now!"(It's true, there are no atheists in fox holes.)

His scowl and unblinking eyes send a shiver through me, and I try not to tremble because I learned from watching FOX News that if you show fear it just emboldens the enemy; and, being a progressive liberal, I knew he already thought me weak.

He looks me over and mutters, "You'll do.  On your knees, let’s get started-I know you Democrats watch the clock and want us out as soon as possible, but I’m telling you now, I don’t believe in timetables and early withdrawals.  If it takes three minutes, one hour, or six months, we will stay the course until the mission is accomplished!"

He unbuckles his belt and his pants immediately fall down to his ankles.  I couldn’t help thinking, "Damn, his belly is so fat, he doesn’t even have to unzip his fly."  I giggle at the sight of a fat man with his pants around his ankles and my fear is relieved.  A man can never be scary with his pants around his ankles.  HE notices my grin, and with great paranoia says, "What are you grinning at?  I still have my boxer shorts on, you can’t even see it yet!"

 I try to pacify his fear of inadequacy, and calmly say, "Oh, I’m just smiling because I thought you’d enjoy seeing a woman smile for once-your wife is always looking so stern."

 
"Aah fuck!: HE grimaces, "Why'd you mention my wife?  Now, it’s gonna take even longer for me to get hard, goddamn it!"  HE drops his boxers and grabs himself violently and starts yanking on his cock.  I look, and only see his fist and two huge saggy balls hanging down around his lower thighs.  (I couldn’t see any cock, not even the tip.  His hand completely engulfed his penis.)  "Oh shit," I think to myself, "it's true, he's all saggy balls and no dick!  No wonder HE likes to hold large, long rifles whenever possible, poor guy."  (The liberal in me just had to feel compassion for him.  Sometimes I wish I was a compassionate conservative instead of a compassionate liberal.)

With his one had furiously yanking on his prick; HE grabs the back of my head with the other and shoves my face into his crotch.  "Suck it bitch, suck it!" HE demands.  I raise my hands to block getting punched in the face by his furiously yanking cock-fist, but not fast enough and my teeth and his knuckles collide and HE yelps like a two-year-old. HE cries out, "Ow, ow, you hurt me!"  Immediately, the hired help rush me and shove me to the ground.  Good Looking one assertively says, "You're not allowed to hurt him Ma'am.  If you do, we’re going to have to take you out, is that understood?"  "Yes, yes, sure, my bad, sorry," I reply.  "Can I get up now, sir?"

 They let me up slowly and I notice HE is no longer in the room.  "Where'd HE go?" I ask. Good Looking replies, "HE likes to run to a secure location until the danger passes.  All clear, Sir," Good Looking announces.  HE pokes his head out of the bathroom and asks, "Are you sure?"  "Yes, Sir, we're sure.  Come on out now, Sir.  The danger has passed,"  Good Looking tells his boss as calmly as possible.  HE walks out slowly holding his pants up and cautiously stands before me again.  "Did you explain to her she's not allowed to hurt me?" HE whines.  "Yes, Sir," Good Looking replies.

 "Good, back on your knees you slut, bitch, pussy-ass, liberal whore!" HE barks, while wiping his runny nose.  I do as HE says and HE takes a cautious step toward me and instructs, "No teeth this time-that hurts!"

 
I slowly lift his belly fat and try to find his dick.  I notice a little knobular type thing where his dick should be and gently suck it into my mouth.  His hand goes back onto my head and grabs my hair.  "Yeah, that's it, nice and slow, no teeth, ooh, yeah, yeah, keep sucking, keep sucking," HE moans.  We stay in that exact position for 45 minutes and nothing happens! It's still a soft, flabby knobular thing.  My jaw starts to cramp up and becomes so painful I finally have to drop him out of my mouth.  I say, "I'm sorry, nothing’s happening.  Were you drinking before you came here?  Alcohol isn't kind to cocks."

"Ah, goddamn it!," HE grunts.  "I told you, as long as it takes, no timetables, you Pelosi-loving bitch!" "I'm sorry," I argue, "but we could do this all day and nothing will ever change.  Victory will never be at hand!"

HE grunts and mutters something about me being a "cut and run surrender monkey" and stomps into the bathroom.  I sigh with relief, thinking HE's finally going to admit defeat.  Good Looking see's my relief and says, "Don't get your hopes up.  Remember, HE's:  Stay the Course until Mission is Accomplished."  I groan, and reply, "I like challenges, but sometimes you have to cut your losses and move on."  Good Looking grins at me and says, "Spoken like a rationally-thinking progressive.  Be careful, don’t let him hear you, you’ll be Gitmo'd for being unpatriotic."  I hear some kind of electrical power equipment sound emanating from the bathroom and wonder if I’m going to be tortured to obtain victory.  I begin to tremble again.

 After a couple of minutes, HE walks out of the bathroom holding his now almost normal size cock.  I stare in disbelief.  As HE comes closer I see that it's strangely swollen.  I look even closer and see two rubber bands tightly squeezing the base of his penis. I exclaim, "Oh my God, you used a penis pump, didn't you?"  HE half-mouth grins at me and says, "There's no doubt the surge works, baby!"

 Knowing HE was never going to leave until HE was proven right (at least in his own mind) I kneel in front of him again and start the sucking. After about 20 minutes, HE starts grunting and bucking and panting a mantra, "Stay the course, stay the course, stay the course," then, "last throws, last throws, last throws," and finally a huge "aauugh."

HE aggressively pushes my head back and off his pumped-up cock, and breathing hard, says, "See baby, we will have victory, not timetables!"  I look at his still forcibly-swollen dick.  I don't see, and suspiciously, don’t taste any cum. HE starts to unwind the rubber bands holding up his penis, and with great delusion says, "Mission accomplished."  I reply, "No doubt, slam dunk, if you will."

    

Suddenly there's a plethora of male rights issues cropping up:
Frozen embryos
Stolen sperm
Forced child support

Good.  Right on time.  After 40 years of focusing on righting the wrongs males perpetrated on females, we've finally reached the point in the swing of the pendulum where we're ready to sway to the middle and correct
ourselves to a balance between the sexes.  Let me clarify.  "Balance", like "equality", doesn't mean "the same."

The fashions of the 80's female power suit proved males and females should never try to be "the same."  I celebrate our differences.  Now let's try to come up with equitable solutions.  My suggestions:

If a man does not want a child, he has four options:
1.  Never insert penis into a vagina (even if it's just for three seconds.)
2.  Get a vasectomy
3.  Practice sodomy
4.  Never deposit sperm in a bank.

The same rules apply to the female:
1.  Never have a penis in the vagina. (even if he promises to pull out before coming.)
2.  Get tubes tied
3.  Practice sodomy
4.  No frozen eggs.

In the rare instances of subterfuge, i.e., lied to about birth control, or stolen sperm, or in the case of changing your mind after making a sperm deposit, you have to prove your case in a court of law just as you would if
someone stole your car or lied to you about some other matter.

INSERTION IS CONSENT.  If you didn't insert and you didn't sign a release form, your sperm remains your property and you don't have to pay child support.

    

America hates the male genitalia.  I know this because it's nowhere to be found.  It has been eliminated from our statues, from our movies, from our dolls, and most disturbingly from our anatomy books!

Yes, that's right---anatomy books.  Apparently, children ages 8-14 are too fragile to see male genitalia hanging about in their anatomy books.  Now I can understand precious little Johnny and his cutesey pie sister Sarah not opening up their Dick and Jane first grade readers and having Dick's dad stand full Monty in the shower, but what I don't understand is not having full frontal in their anatomy science book.  Last time I checked, men still had penises.  Some might not have any balls anymore, but they're not ALL neutered Ken Dolls!

I've often wondered what little Johnny thinks when he first de-pants his sister's Ken Doll.  Does he scream in terror because Grandma chopped the dolls woo-hoos off like she threatened him if he kept playing with it at the grocery store?  Or, does he think, "How funny, they forgot a piece."  But more than likely, sub-consciously, he says, "Penis dirty, shameful."

This is why I believe men in this society have Penis Shame.  They've been taught by their parents, religion, and society itself, that the penis is "ugly", filthy", "sinful", "dirty", and worst of all, a "defiler of women."  What defines the virgin and whore-penis usage!  What's the quickest way to send a virgin to hell, fuck her.

Our whole culture has vilified the penis.  If they're in our movies, they get an automatic R rating, (even if they're just lying there flaccid and dead, as in the movie, Munich).  Forget about ever seeing one fully erect standing tall and proud, that's considered pornography, gets an X rating, and no family theater is gonna show that movie.

The Greeks, Romans and Egyptians loved the cock!  It was a symbol of fertility, strength, and good luck.  But our society hates the cock, it chops it off or covers it up.  I tried to buy Michelangelo's beautiful David statue, but every one of them had bath towels draped over the most artistic spot.  The anatomy book I wanted to buy for my nephew castrated De Vinci's, Persistence of Man.  And everyone knows G.I. Joe is missing some vital combat equipment.

America is schizophrenic!  On one side, we have a "father knows best" attitude.  God the Father is worshipped in our churches.  Men dominate the workplace---how many female CEO's have you seen?  And, they prevail in our government and in elected positions.  The male is praised and honored for his aggression, risk-taking, and strength.  Yet, on every image of the proud male, that great genitalia is either hidden or chopped off.  The mirror image that the male has of himself has been emasculated and shamed---no wonder males are confused!  Why does America want to remove the only organ that differentiates the male from the female?  Why does G.I. Joe look like Barbie?

Perhaps why so many men feel neutered these days is not because their wives make them take out the trash, or because of evil femi-nazi's, but because they never see a strong, hard cock rising proudly on our public statues.

    

For at least the last ten years, the media have been focusing on the question of whether women can have a career and children at the same time, but no one has asked, Can men have it all?

It may appear that they can and they do.  They run our society and they are held up as scions of perfection in balancing a successful home life and a fabulous career.  But my answer is a resounding NO!  They cannot have it all either.  And in fact, they don't.

The divorce rate is 50% and that tells a lot.  There are less single men out there to date than there are divorced once, twice or thrice men (and many of those have kids).  It's rare to meet a man who hasn't gotten his feet wet in at least one unsuccessful relationship on his way to building his great career.  In fact, many end up as elderly bachelors, such as  Bloomberg; and others find themselves in serial divorces, like Perlman, Turner and Soros.

The so-called successful marriages are the ones in which the wife has accepted (some, happily) that she will only see her husband a couple hours a day and when he shows up to social gatherings when obligated or when it's helpful to his business career.  She basically raises the children alone, and a lot of women prefer this control.

But it doesn't let men off the hook.  The fact that they're absent from their home lives means they are not successful there and that they can't groom both a career and a Norman Rockwell family life at the same time.

No one can have it all. Families and careers need much attention and nurturing to survive and to thrive.  A person can only be in one place at a time.  Men may think they have had fantastic careers and beautiful families, but somewhere in time, there is a child or wife who remembers his absence more than his presence in their lives.

    

Sex is not about focus, but about multi-tasking.

Lately, I have become bored with oral sex.  Not because my clit doesn't like a good licking.  In fact, women's sex lives greatly improved when men learned the clit was the female G-Spot.  Now, thirty years after the "Great Discovery" a new problem arises-it seems the male's natural predilection towards "focusing" has created what I call:  The Lonely Thigh Syndrome.

My thighs are screaming to be included, but like the poor cousin, left out in the cold.  Sad, but true, my lovers are so ecstatic to have their noses in my vagina--and even prouder that they know the clit is the G-Spot--that their one-task-at-a-time brains have forgotten that the thigh is connected to the vagi.

Time after time, my lovers kiss their way down or up to my vagi, then stop and hover-park above my clit.  I twist and thrust to try to lead their tongues to my thighs, and even take the direct approach saying, "Kiss my thighs," but to no avail.  They learned the clit was it, and they're sticking to it.

I beg men:  "Please move around, don't leave my thighs lonely!"  Try to learn this:  Sex is not about focus-it's about multi-tasking!

    

I've always found the legalese surrounding the Sexual Contract to be confusing at best, hypocritical at worst.  Why if the Pro says, "$50 bucks for a blowjob" does the cop bring her down to central booking, but if his girlfriend says, "Buy me those Manolo Blahnik shoes and I'll give you a blowjob tonight", he takes her out to dinner in those new shoes?  Or, if the Escort asks to be taken to dinner and paid $500 an hour for after dinner recreation, she faces the same fate, but if the girlfriend has her rent paid by the man's credit card, no cops jump out and slap handcuffs on her?

I wonder, did Donald Trump pay for Melania's clothes, food, and rent before marriage?  Or how about Ron Perlman's legendary collection of women?

How about how the pre-nup agreement has become the legal contract between a couple that now often states how many times and what kind of sexual contact the couple will have, but a verbal contract between a Pro and a client is illegal?

And aren't palimony settlements just verbal sexual contracts between a couple now made legal and recognized by law the same as marriage?

What about the Porn Star?  Getting paid to have sex in front of a camera in the room is legal, but take away the camera and she becomes a Prostitute committing an illegal act.

Why is some sex sanctioned by society and other sex criminalized?

Is it just morality?  If so, wasn't morality created to help identify the father of a child?

I understand in the olden days before DNA testing was invented that a Marriage Contract (which was a sexual contract) was needed to identify the paternity of a child.  But now?  Do we really need to continue the sexual rules that were created before DNA testing?

The only explanation I can come up with is that we as a society have not yet caught up with the technology we've created.  With DNA testing, there is no longer any confusion as to whom the father of a child is.  Also, the laws now state that if you are the father you will pay child support whether she was your wife or just a two minute, don't-even-know-her-name one-night stand.

Finally, if the argument for keeping some sex illegal is that it helps stop the spread of STD's, I ask, "Does it really?"  The fastest growing segment of society with STD's is girlfriends and wives. Prostitutes on the whole insist on condom use; girlfriends and wives do not.  Proving, CONDOMS WORK because Prostitutes use them!

Maybe if Escorts and Street Pros want to be legal they should just ask the man to pay their rent, and place a camera in the corner of their room to guarantee they don't get hit with an "intent to solicit" arrest.
COURTING OR STALKING?